GENOA CITY, WI—The home of Newman Enterprise founder, Victor Newman was the site of an intensive man hunt on Monday as law enforcement swarmed the lush compound searching for his son Adam Newman, currently on the run, after escaping a transportation detail last Friday destined for the Walworth State Penitentiary where he is to serve 10 years for the brutal attack of a correction officer. “Make sure he takes a look under every mound of horse manure, maybe Adam is hiding there,” Newman helpfully suggested to police while sitting comfortably in his easy chair.
Officials informed reporters that based on a gut feeling they had in the pit of their stomachs a search warrant was quickly acquired in order to rummage and poke around the home of the fugitive’s father. “Victor Newman has well documented history of either committing crimes or aiding others in committing crimes, often with the assistance of deadly dopplegangers,” said Dylan McAvoy, the only investigator employed by the Genoa City police.
“We entered the suspect’s home and accused him of aiding his son escape police custody to which he replied that we need to make up our minds as only last week we accused him of framing his son for murder.” We expected this type of question-to-answer-a-question response, as it is a signature defense mechanism of Mr. Newman whenever he is interrogated.
Further reports indicate that Newman appeared thoroughly disgusted and called the search a “harassment” and “invasion of privacy”. But sources close to the family said that it could also called a family “visit”, as McAvoy lives in a rustic home on the compound that is owned by his wife, the mother of two of Newman’s grandchildren.
Finding nothing to implicate Newman in helping his son escape police custody, McAvoy said he instructed his colleagues to form a parameter around the area and put everyone on high alert. “Despite the presence of Mr. Newman’s personal ranch security detail we felt the need to mount our own security as they have been known to be very ineffectual in the past.”
The press conference was ended abruptly when reporters wanted to know if any evidence was in fact uncovered from the piles of horseshit found around the ranch. “You’ll know more when we know more.” McAvoy said before quickly making his way through the throng of media.
Update: Reporters have learned that the fugitive’s wife and young son, Chelsea and Conner Newman, have gone missing and are believed to be with the fugitive.
Stay tuned as the story develops…
