The visually stunning but ultimately pointless reliquary plot line has finally come to a merciful end but, not without a few holes and inaccuracies. Despite months of build-up and ceaseless tedium the reliquary was easily found. The minute I heard them moaning about how unlikely it would be to find the object of their search on the main route, I knew that this fiasco was going to be wrapped up by Friday. No way in hell can Latham & Co. afford another week on an expensive location shoot like Kutna Hora. So it was no surprise to me that they found the darn thing within minutes of the tour. I was surprised, though, to find that in addition to being a scoundrel, Brad is also a cartographer, with x-ray vision no less. The whole time Jana’s daddy led them around in circles I kept my eyes squarely on Brad and I did not see him drawing a map of any kind so I had a giggle when he produced one seemingly out of thin air.
Attention all inept researchers on the Y&R writing staff: Please be advised that there are no catacombs dug under any churches in the main town of Kutna Hora and the closest ossuary is located in a suburb called Sedlec, which is nearly two hours away by car. The Chapel of All Saints or Bone Church, as some people call it, have about 40,000 bones on display in the actual chapel—not distributed over a 30 km distance of underground tunnels. Sightseeing tours end at 4:00 p.m. on weekdays and if they’re smart enough to have a security camera inside the fictitious catacombs, I would hope they would have cameras at the entrance as well. Did those cameras not show Victor, Brad and Victoria entering the church illegally after visiting hours?
I wonder if Victor has every world leader and politician listed in his black book in the event he commits some offense on foreign soil? Victor may be a big shot in Genoa City—which isn’t hard when you’re the only billionaire in a town where per capita income is approximately $18,000—but, a European country? C’mon! It’s no mystery, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs gave Victor the okay to break the law. The Czech Republic has one of the highest rates of corruption in the OECD countries and was listed as the highest alcohol-consuming nation in 2006 by the Economist. You know, when I think about it, Genoa City and the Czech Republic are a lot alike.
I really hate the fact that everyone is treating Dru like she’s a whack job. Did we not learn anything from the plastic surgeons of Argentina? Why is it so impossible to believe Carmen has a clone wandering around town? Devon could hardly wipe the smirk off his face when Dru told him her theory. Some son he turned out to be, they should’ve left him in the gutter where they found him.
Like the Chinese, the writers are busy celebrating the year of the pig; we’ve had a steady helping of Colleen and little else since 2007 began and I see no end in sight. And, I can’t tell you how much I detest beside vigils. This is when everyone remembers they need to spend more time with the comatose and hastily make promises which will quickly be forgotten once the person comes to. I seem to recall Colleen making a similar speech to her grandpa John while he lay at death’s door. She bolted from New York on the pretense of spending more time with her beleaguered family when all she really did was while away her days at Crimson Lights, shamelessly throwing herself at J.T. Karma is a bitch.
Who else howled with laughter when Jack asked how Colleen could get locked in another walk-in freezer? I know, right. What are the chances?
What is Korbel still doing hanging around in the hospital commissary? He looks so wretched sitting there sketching his darling Colleen on paper napkins. I suspect he needs to be reacquainted with the meaning of the word inappropriate. When the nurse told him and J.T. that they were going to have to “take turns” seeing her I couldn’t help but get that vaguely dirty feeling.
I don’t give a fig that Colleen’s oxygen levels are alarmingly low, she is T-E-N-A-C-I-O-U-S. I get that Korbel knows the meaning of this week’s oft used word, but I’m curious how J.T. knows what tenacity means and still doesn’t have a clue about the word imperceptive. Maybe he missed the day they did the letter “I” on Sesame Street.
Bearing a whiff of failure wherever he goes, Paul Williams celebrated a rare victory this week when he managed to locate Jill’s discarded son. He was commissioned to keep looking for fake Philip’s real mother but I suspect that Esther will sweep that under the Mausoleum carpet like the other dust bunnies never to be mentioned again.
I really hope that scheming bimbo Amber puts Cane through hell and sucks him dry for every scent he’ll inherit. I’ve tried everything: electroshock therapy, OxyContin, hypnosis and even prayer yet still I can’t get past how utterly cretinous Cane is. I’m waiting for the part where Amber sleeps with Usher (the R&B singer) again and gets pregnant with his baby. Even though the baby will be half black, Cane won’t have a clue that the kid isn’t his. All Amber has to do is open her legs and he won’t be able to remember his name. That will come in handy when she’s spending his millions and sleeping with the shirtless gardener.
Nicholas Newman has a gift—not a skill for cheesy come on lines or a sparkling personality but an even rarer commodity: Nick is a muttonhead. There, I’ve said it but, really, aren’t I stating the obvious? Despite Nick’s aspirations to be the “perfect man” and have a life where they live “happily ever after”, I don’t see how continuing to celebrate his wedding anniversaries with his ex-wife is conducive to a healthy relationship with his current one. Poor, exasperated Phyllis wondered what Nick was thinking but, that’s just it—he doesn’t. How you get ‘em is how you keep ‘em Phyllis, it helps if you get used to that concept now.
While Nick was busy handing Phyllis his balls to lock away for safe keeping, Michael was carefully cutting Jack’s in the God Have Mercy Hospital reception area. Anyone who has dreamed of knocking Aunt Jack down a peg or three got their wish when Michael asked the question we’ve all been longing to: “Who really cares about you, baby?” Jack was always an insufferable bastard but he’s even more so now that he’s the only Abbott left standing. Did you see the steam rising from Jack’s collar when Michael said that? Priceless.
