Ahhh….cue the melancholy piano. And.Slooooooooow.It.Down. It’s sexy time with Liam and Hope.  Our newly consummated couple are still basking in their post-coitus afterglow. He with a smug smile and she with 23 gold chains wrapped around her neck and not a strand of hair out of place. Liam says “Hope Spencer” as if to exorcise the Steffy and Bill demons from his mind. Hope is delighted at the sound of her future name tumbling from her fickle man’s lips.

Uhhnmm… this love tastes SO familiar

A little later talk turns to how unbelievable it is that they’re getting married again because just that morning Hope was told by Ridge that Liam had every intention of reconciling with Steffy. She wasn’t planning on being the default choice and it’s a good thing she doesn’t value herself because it makes being an afterthought so magical. Liam grins at her suggestion that they stay holed up in the halfway house for betrayed husbands for a few more days, just to get used to the idea that love is easily recycled if needed.

There’s a wistful mention about their first wedding happening, despite Bill’s disgusting machinations. Hope declares how exciting it is to have a fresh start again. But is it really though? Liam seems onboard with her idiocy because he does the unthinkable by telling her this is the LAST TIME. He’s never letting her go again. Oh! Is Liam still concussed?

*yawn*

As the night crawls ever so slowly on Liam suddenly realizes he was so quick to toss his pregnant wife into the trash he totally forgot to buy an engagement ring for Hope! Sacré blue!! Not to worry. Hope saves the day by digging up the rock from the last time she was engaged to Liam. No, not that time. The other time. Wrong again, I’m talking about the other time.  No, no, no! The OTHER time. Sigh! Forget it. Just try to keep up ok?

Meanwhile…on a certain seaside bluff in Malibu…we find Wyatt letting himself into Steffy’s home after apparently receiving her distress signal from across town.  Breathless with panic, Steffy begs Wyatt to convince Liam she’s not doing the slip ’n’ slide on Bill’s you-know-what.

Steffy’s ugly cry is more beautiful than your pretty cry.

Going out of her mind at the idea that her marriage has run its course, Steffy all but gets down on her knees to beg Wyatt to intervene on her behalf. Wyatt isn’t so sure that’s the right move. ‘Maybe my simpering brother can find happiness in an equally bland person such as Hope. This could be what’s best for him,’ he offers. Steffy shoots him a look of wild-eyed disbelief, most likely wondering if her protruding stomach isn’t a good enough reason why her husband should NOT be starting a new relationship with another woman.

Steffy tells him one more time that she wants a life with Liam but Wyatt eyes her suspiciously, his thoughts going back to the night he found her in Bill’s embrace and supposedly the aftermath of a romantic setting she left behind after meeting with his father. He wants to know if anything is going on between her and Bill but because Steffy isn’t a mind reader she can only tell him what she knows to be true; she only went to see Bill to buy the Malibu house from him, but still keep her door unlocked in case he wants to drop by.

Wyatt doesn’t want to be involved…too late

Suddenly Wyatt tells Steffy he shouldn’t even be there and bolts out the door. Wait. All of a sudden he doesn’t want any part of the marriage he helped blow up? Interesting turn of events.

Wooshing down into the 7th circle of hell, a.k.a. Spencer Publications, we find Bill and Justin still locking horns over the fact that Bill is a sad piece of pathetic shit for trying to steal his son’s pregnant wife. Justin makes the excellent point that using Wyatt to break up his son’s marriage is no bueno and Bill replies that the marriage was doomed anyway—which I tend to agree with since statistically all marriages are in this incestuous group.  Bill reiterates that Liam really wants to be with Hope he just doesn’t know it yet and it’s up to him to right the wrong he committed years ago by scheming to force Liam and Hope apart. You see, in Bill’s upside down world two wrongs equal a right.   

Not surprisingly it’s very damn hot in hell so Bill rises to get a drink of water. Justin states he could see Bill’s latest betrayal blowing up in his face. Bill, shrugs it off and says being shot in the back (and unfortunately not bleeding to death as planned) reminded him that now is the time to stalk and harass his daughter-in-law into becoming his wife. Speaking of! Justin wants to know if Steffy happened to mention spending the rest of her life trapped in the darkness of Bill’s heart now that Liam is set to sign the annulment papers. Bill says nope, not yet, but she will.

Did I ever tell you you’re really f*cked up?

I guess that means Bill is planning to hold Steffy at gunpoint and force her to the alter then. Can’t wait to see how that unfolds.

Justin begs Bill to consider Liam and he’s like, ‘When the hell have I ever considered anyone but myself? Not about to start now. Steffy and I belong together she just needs more torturing convincing.