LOS ANGELES—With her ass still smarting from the sensation of being kicked to the unforgiving curb right out of her marriage, recovering booze bag, Katie Spencer announced to skeptical family members on Monday that she was moving on, finally free to be herself whomever that was, “I’ve got a new start, endless possibilities and thanks to my husband’s generosity I’ve got plenty of cash,” said the soon-to-be-very-alone divorced mother of one, trying in vain to gloss over the fact that she did not just hear her sister Brooke Forrester say that her husband had proposed to her within the last hour.
It was a slap in the face for Spencer who had long suspected that her sister and husband had been carrying on an illicit affair, though each took turns to deny any wrongdoing which drove the high strung woman to stockpile bottles of booze all around her home from which she could steal sips throughout the day.
Nevertheless Spencer appeared to put on a brave face in front of her family and proceeded to deliver a very long-winded speech on all the reasons she is poised to live the most amazing life ever thought possible for a human being. “Every day my son is going to wake up and look at an awesome mother who gives him everything he needs,” she announced proudly, adding that that would involve taking control of her life, being beholden to no one and most likely not slipping back into the watery grave at the bottom of a bottle of scotch.
Though family members said they couldn’t be sure, they believed that Spencer’s attempt at running off a laundry list of reasons why her life had never been better was all just a façade to cloak the seething rage that bubbled beneath the surface.
“When my sister kept pushing for me to accept her husband’s marriage proposal I could’ve sworn I noticed some anger in her tone,” said Forrester, adding that when Spencer practically shouted at her to accept and free them all from their collective misery it didn’t really sound like she meant it in a congratulatory way.
At press time Forrester seemed to be strongly leaning toward accepting the indecent proposal from her brother-in-law, who is not yet officially divorced from her sister.
