GENOA CITY, WI—Appearing listless and sullen upon entering the threshold of a small coffee shop he frequents several times a day, police hacker Kevin Fisher was delighted to cross paths Wednesday with his ex-wife so he could continue his crusade to cling desperately to their dried up relationship. “Hey! Who are you writing a text message to, maybe I can help you with it? How’s Bella? Seen any good movies on Netflix recently? Do you wake up every morning thinking of me as I do of you?” the sweaty palmed obsessed man inquired with rapid fire precision that only seemed to increase Mitchell’s discomfort causing her to rise from her table to put some distance between herself and her ex-husband.
Witnesses went on to recount that Fisher turned the dial up to ‘Awkward’ when he asked Mitchell once again about her daughter’s paternity despite being told on numerous occasions the subject was off limits.
“Remember when we owned the coffee shop together?” said Fisher attempting in vain to salvage the conversation. It sure would be nice to be like that again; bickering daily over our lack of financial solvency.”
“Sure, we were always struggling to pay our bills, but at least we still had each other.”
-Kevin Fisher
Fisher added that if Mitchell could just hold back her feelings of revulsion toward him then maybe, just maybe they could make another attempt at a relationship. To make the idea more enticing Fisher pledged his kidney for donation if Mitchell or a family member should ever need a donor.
