GENOA CITY, WI—Saying they figured a local widow and widower would make a really nice couple if only they would forget about their dead spouses and move on already, residents of the drama filled mid-western town Genoa City, WI reportedly gossiped amongst themselves on Monday about whether or not Nicholas Newman and Chelsea Newman would soon make it official.
As described by several interested parties who love to stick their noses into other people’s business the formerly lonely pair with questionable chemistry have already shared between them two painfully awkward dates. “Everybody knows the third date means they’re really close to being in a full blown relationship,” said Chloe Mitchell, Chelsea Newman’s best friend eager to speculate on the fledgling relationship.
“I just want my dad to be happy. He’s been through a lot,” chimed in Noah Newman the soft-spoken oldest son of Nicholas Newman.
Indeed the past year has been a hailstorm of cruelty for Chelsea Newman, who had to witness her husband being blown up to smithereens, and Nicholas Newman who lost his wife to a deadly car crash. “Time for them to stop pretending they’re obviously meant to be no matter how boring they are together,” announced Nick Newman’s sister Abby Newman, a Genoa City native who happens to know a thing or two about being in lifeless relationships herself.
“The way they sat down and looked at the other nervously told me almost immediately that these two need to make it official even though the lack of romance says otherwise,’ said GC Athletic Club night manager Shawn Covington, who stressed that it probably makes sense for the two to make an announcement soon so that they could move forward with the next stage of their relationship: conflict.
In contrast to all the well wishers, sources report that there is one person who is less then excited by the couple’s uncomfortable connection. At press time Nick Newman’s 10-year-old daughter Faith Newman, wishes Chelsea Newman would fall off the face of the earth never to be heard from again.
