LOS ANGELES—Citing the deplorable way his male family members and colleagues have been treating their women lately as inspiration for his recent grand romantic gesture, lover of pink dress shirts Rick Forrester told reporters Monday that he was tired of looking around at all the douchebaggery on display. “My ex-stepfather just kicked his wife to the curb and my dad is suddenly in a relationship with an insane woman. I felt I had to do my part to add some much needed enchantment the city and the nation,” said Forrester, who added that he took a day off from plotting against his father to make one of his wife’s dreams of singing the anthem at Dodger Stadium come true.
The plan, according to Forrester was easily executed, as all it required was his prominent family name and an assistant to co-ordinate meetings with LA Dodgers team officials, a pledge of $1.5 million in corporate sponsorship and an agreement to take on three grandchildren of Dodger owners into his company’s 2017 summer internship program.
“Call me the love doctor.”
-Rick Forrester
“It was a lot of work. A lot of handshaking, and many, many Starbuck runs for my assistant—but it was all worth it to see my wife stand on the field and belt out the national anthem for all the players and the nation to hear.”
Team sources confirmed that after Mrs. Forrester’s satisfactory rendition of The Star Spangled Banner she told her husband she was open to having sex with him later that evening.
