GENOA CITY, WI—In an effort to bolster his lackluster marriage and get less sleep at night, all purpose doctor, Ben Rayburn reportedly announced to his wife on Monday that a demanding, colicky newborn was just the thing their limp marriage needed to be restored back to its former glory. “I know that Max is under psychiatric treatment for causing the death of our unborn child, and sometimes we can’t even bear to be in the same room together for more than ten minutes, but I’m ready to have another baby”, said Rayburn, who admitted that he wasn’t about to allow a little thing like his son’s homicidal act dampen his desire to create new life.
We have holes everywhere.
-Abby Rayburn
Visibly alarmed that her husband could not see the yawning black hole their marriage had become, sources say Rayburn’s wife widened her eyes at the thought of being linked for all eternity to a man who wants to make her life more miserable by impregnating her. “Something has been chipping away at us. We’ve changed”, said the teary-eyed woman as she tried to squelch her daydreams of serving Rayburn with divorce papers.
At press time, hospital sources confirmed that after meeting with his wife, Rayburn went to visit the nursery so he could listen to the high-pitch screams of newborns as they cry to be either cuddled, changed or fed.
