YR, Issue 4
Ahh, it’s a brand new morning in Genoa City and we find ourselves at the Abbott mansion. Jack opens the door to get the Genoa City Chronicle from the driveway. As he bends down to pick up the periodical a scuffed white shoe comes out of nowhere and steps on the back of his hand. “We meet again, Mr. Abbott,” a familiar voice says.
Holding up his hand to block the glare of sunlight, Jack squints upward and notices none other than Bad Press looking down menacingly upon him.
“What the hell are you doing here?” he wants to know, quite annoyed. “Thought I’d come by and have breakfast with you. Figure you could use a friend after your debacle with the senate committee.” Bad Press says. “That won’t be necessary,” Jack says after freeing his hand from under the crush of the shoe. If I were you I’d leave before I call the police and have them arrest you for trespassing.” Before Bad Press can answer, the sound of John’s gentle voice comes from the doorway.
“Who’s there with you, Jackie?” Bad Press quickly steps aside and hurries up to John’s ghost, who is dressed in a bathrobe and slippers. “Mr. Abbott. Well this is an honor, I must say. Allow me to introduce myself.” Jack follows close behind attempting to prevent the encounter but he is too late. Ever the gentleman, John invites Bad Press in. “This is a lovely home you have here, Mr. Abbott,” the life-sized newspaper enthuses while pumping John’s hand furiously in a handshake. “Thank you. Jack and I were just about to have breakfast. Would you like to join us?” “Absolutely not,” Jack cuts in. “Why do I need him sitting across the table from me when I have today’s paper right here with all the bad news that’s fit to print?” “Well, no offense Jack but nobody can darken a day like I can. Sure you’ve got the Chronicle delivering bits of bad news here and there in between the good news but with me it’s ALL bad. By the time I’m done with you, you’ll be curled up in the fetal position crying for your mommy.” “I doubt that, my mother was a selfish whore with a penchant for lying.” “Well, that explains a lot.” Bad Press says while seating himself at the table and grabbing the basket of croissants.
At the Genoa City Memorial Victor Newman Neo Natal Intensive Care Unit (whew!) stands Brad making moony eyes at Reid Hellstrom. With his mouth pressed up against the glass, his heavy breathing and artificial sentiment eventually begin to fog the surface.
“God, Brad. Do you mind? You’re not the only one that’s trying to see here. Man, even at this difficult time you’re still as selfish as ever.” J.T. says. “What’s going on here?” Victor asks, walking up. “Carlton is doing his damnedest to prevent me from seeing the baby.” J.T. complains. “Arthur. His name is Arthur,” Brad states firmly. Victor gets close to Brad and stands intimidatingly. “Have a little dignity for once in your life. The paternity test named J.T. as the father. What the hell are you still hanging around here for?” Even though Victor’s hatred and venom begins to curl his sideburns, Brad refuses to back down. “You and I both know you paid someone off to have those test results changed. I’m the real father and when Victoria wakes up I’ll tell her what you did and she’ll order another test.” “You seem to be suffering from some grand delusion that I give a damn, Brad Carlton. After all these years of dealing with me professionally and personally you should know by now that I always get my way.” “Not this time.” Brad coolly responds. “You better get out of here before I have security throw you out.” Victor warns while handing an illegal Cuban cigar to J.T. “I’ll go when I’m good and ready.” “No. You’ll go now.” Victor nods and two very large men dressed in black suits and ties come over and seizes the interloper. “I’ll make you pay for this Victor. God help me, I’ll make you pay.” Brad shouts over his shoulder as he is dragged away.
Devon and Roxanne are at Crimson Lights having coffee. “I’m really worried about my sister,” he says to Roxanne. “Why, is she sick or something?” Roxanne wants to know. “Well if you call always falling for the wrong guy a sickness then, yeah, I guess she is.” He extrapolates. “I don’t get it, you know. Lily is smoking hot, out-of-this-world smart, kind, loving, understanding, supportive and funny as hell. She does this thing with her mouth when she’s concentrating on something really hard; she curls her upper lip, just a little. It’s the sexiest thing…” suddenly he stops himself when he notices a strange look on Roxanne’s face. He quickly changes gears and asks Roxanne if she knows any “cool guys”. “Hhhmm, let me get back to you on that. I might have to whip out my little black book.” “Great! Let me know what you come up with. In the meantime I just had the greatest idea.” He leans in to whisper in her ear. The camera zooms in for a close up of his mouth and goes in for a tight shot of his mole which eventually gets so large it completely blacks out the screen and changes over to…
…A black door with a name plate that reads Public Relations on it. A Newman minion zips quickly past and opens the door letting us in. There is chaos inside. Phones are ringing ceaselessly, workers are flying back and forth with stacks of papers and the director of the department is barking orders through a megaphone. In short, it is a typical day dealing with latest scandals of the Newman Clan. A secretary runs into the director’s office, “Bob. I heard on the vine that Newman just got arrested out by the elevators.” “Are you serious?! I didn’t know charges were filed against him for Clear Springs.” “No. It’s for the murder of Ji-Min Kim.” “Dammit. Tell Sheryl to scrap the press release about the Mrs. suing Newman for half a billion and draft something up for this latest development.” The secretary nods and starts to move away. “Get me some aspirin while you’re at it. I can already feel a headache coming on.” The camera zooms in on him rubbing his temples and…
…We suddenly see Brad in the conference room with Sharon rubbing HER temples. “How does that feel, any better?” he asks. “Mhhmm,” Sharon replies her eyes closed. “I hate to see you so stressed out like this, Sharon. And to think, it’s all Abbotts fault. He doesn’t deserve you.” “Brad, we talked about this. I’m committed to making my marriage work. Noah needs stability in his life and Jack is really great with him.” “Yeah, yeah, cry me a river.” “Excuse me?” “Uh, I said how about buying me dinner? So-so we can discuss this some more?” “I can’t. Jack and I already have plans.” Sharon gets up from her chair and begins to gather her purposeless files. She heads for the door. Brad darts past her and turns the lock. “Can’t I have just a little more of your time?” he whimpers. “It’s killing me that you chose to stay with him when we both know that you should be with me.” “Brad, I’ve moved on and maybe you should too.” Sharon reaches for the doorknob but Brad grabs her arm and bends it behind her back and puts his mouth firmly over hers. All her experience with sexual predators triggers her survival instincts and she knees him in the groin.” “Ow! What’d you do that for?” Brad cries looking up at her like a love sick puppy dog. “Omigosh. I’m so sorry Brad. I did that without thinking. Did I hurt you?” Before Brad can answer, Jack knocks on the door. “Sharon? Why is the door locked? What’s going on in there?”
It’s mid-morning at the Chancellor estate and Cane is seated at the dining room table looking at his blackberry. Jill walks in. “Hey, hon, I was hoping I’d catch you. Do you have plans for lunch today?” Cane eyeballs his itinerary. “Let’s see. I’ve got a Clear Springs meeting at 11, then I’ll head over to Crimson Lights to get coffee and bump into Lily Winters at 12:30, then I’ve got a work out session at 12:45 before heading back over to Crimson Lights for more coffee at 2. Hmmm, back at the GCAC at 2:40 for another Clear Springs meeting. Then I’ll be at Newman forcing my way into Victor’s office at 3:10, after that I’ll definitely need more coffee…” “My, you are busy,” Jill cuts in. “Well, call me. We’ll see how your day goes. I’ve got to run sweetie. See you at the office.”
Gloria enters the Jabot Bored-room looking very depressed. “Geez, you look like hell warmed over,” observes Kevin. He asks, “How did your night of passion with Jeffery go?” Gloria shoots him a look that basically tells him she’s a goner. “That bad, huh? Bet it sucks to be you right now.” “That’s helpful. I need to find a way out of this mess, Kevin and I would appreciate some ideas.” “I already told you to leave the country.” “And I already told you that that is not an option. I have a life here; a career. I can’t just leave that all behind.” “Are you referring to the same life that you’ll be cut off from once Jeff turns you in for tainting the face cream? Mom, either you leave and take your millions with you or you can stay here and have Jeff take your millions while you rot away in jail.”
Lily enters the GCAC gym and goes over the treadmill. Putting on her iPod she sets the speed to 1.2 mph so as not to exert too much energy and actually sweat. After about 5 minutes Lily stops the machine and gets off. Walking over to the supply table she grabs a towel and dabs her forehead. Just as she is about to walk over to the workout bench her eye catches an image of herself on the gym bulletin board.
Above her picture it reads, “Cool Guy Wanted”. Several men are crowded around the poster and one notices her and nods in her direction to the others. She turns around and makes a beeline for the locker room.
Entering her “home away from home” Lily is stunned to see the same picture of herself all over the coffee house, even the employees are wearing t-shirts of it. “Oh. My. God.” Lily breaths. “This can’t be happening.” “Hey, Lily. Come to check out how your campaign is going?” Amber asks. “What campaign?” Lily wants to know. “The campaign to find you a cool guy to go out with of course. Come and look at the tip bowl, you are not going to believe how many numbers guys have left so far.” Amber grabs her by the shoulders and steers her over to the counter. Dazed and confused, Lily barely hears her as she goes on and on about the type of response Crimson Lights is getting on her behalf. Right on cue Cane walks in shaking uncontrollably. “A-a-a-a-a-meg-g-g-g-ga gr-gr-gr-ande co-co-ffee please,” he stammers. As the waitress is about to hand over the cup he lunges for it greedily and gulps down the hot liquid in one swallow. Slamming it down on the counter he is about to ask for another when he notices Lily. “Hey, Lily. Your face is looking real “fresh” today.” But Lily can’t hear him as a large crowd of men begin to swarm around her. Watching with curiosity Cane asks Amber if she knows what the hubbub is about. “Haven’t you heard? Lily is looking for a cool guy. Know anyone that might be interested?”
“Jack what brings you by?” Sharon smiles while opening the door to the conference room. “I thought I would meet you here so we could drive to the club together. Why was the door locked?” “Oh. Was it? Someone must have locked it by accident.” Brad answers. Jack looks from her to Brad suspiciously but says nothing more on the matter. After several awkward seconds Sharon grabs her things and says she’s ready to leave. “You go on ahead without me, sugar. There’s something I need to discuss with Brad. Man to man.” After they are alone, Jack says, “You still don’t get it do you?” “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Brad replies. “Alright, then I’ll make it as simple as I can. Sharon is married to me. If you take advantage of this vulnerable time in our marriage I’ll crush you, grind you into a fine powder and blow you out the window.” “Sounds kinky.” Brad smiles smugly. “I had no idea you felt that way about me, Jacko.” Unable to stand it any longer Jack springs forward and grabs the greasy Brad by his jacket lapels. Before he has a chance to throw a punch, however, Brad overpowers him, throws him to the ground and wraps his thighs around Jack’s neck. “Now we’ll see who is going to crush who,” he hisses. “Brad! Have you lost your mind? Get off of him!” Sharon screams from the doorway. Brad loosens his grip allowing Jack to break free. “You could have killed me,” he wheezes after scrambling to safety. Sharon is all over him making sure he’s alright. She turns her back to Brad, who is looking on helplessly, “Did he hurt you?” “Nothing I can’t handle.” Jack hugs her and looks over her shoulder directly at Brad and winks.
Kevin is at home eating pie when his doorbell rings. Answering it he is surprised to see Sheila Carter in her original face standing before him. “I thought you were dead.” He shouts in horror and stumbles back. “Kevin, it’s me. Your mother.” Kevin is even more horrified to find his mother’s voice coming from the woman who nearly killed his sister-in-law three times. “Listen I don’t know how you came back. But I promise you that you won’t get away with killing me. My brother Michael is a lawyer and…” “For god’s sake keep your voice down. Do you want the whole building to hear?” “Mom? Is that really you? What the hell have you done to yourself? “I took a quick trip to South America to see those amazing plastic surgeons that operated on Sheila Carter to make her look like Phyllis Newman. Well I didn’t want to get anything permanent so I had them make me this face mask to look like Sheila—it can come off but it takes a little work.” “Of all the faces you chose that one? Lauren will have a heart attack when she sees you.” “She won’t get the chance. Now, close the door so that I can tell you my plan.”
“You had no right to do that! You humiliated me in front of the whole town! Now everyone thinks I’m so pathetic I have to put up wanted posters to get a date.” Lily is at her father’s house and ripping Devon a new one when she finds out he is the one responsible for the “Cool Guy Wanted” campaign. “I thought I’d be doing you a favor. You don’t have the best track record when it comes to men. Someone had to step in and do something.” “Oh, and that someone happens to be you, right? Stay out of my business, Devon and you better fix this mess or I will NEVER forgive you.” Lily walks over to the door. “Lily, I-I love you.” Devon says. “Yeah? You have a funny way of showing it.” Slamming the door, Devon and his giant mole are left behind to reflect on their actions.
“We could cancel our reservation and get take-out.” “How many times do I have to tell you that I’m okay? Seriously, it’s going to take a lot more than a leg lock from the former hedge clipper to keep me from having dinner with my beautiful wife.” Jack puts his arms around Sharon’s shoulder as they walk over to their table at the GCAC. After she’s seated Sharon says, “I just can’t believe Bradley would do that to you. Thank god I followed my instincts and came back.” “I meant to ask why you did that.” Jack replies. “I don’t know, something just didn’t feel right. I came back to insist that we come to the club together and when I saw Brad with his legs around your neck I just freaked.” “My hero.” In the background we see that Brad has just entered the club and is looking directly at Sharon. “I can’t believe he had the nerve to follow us here,” she says. “He must be out of his mind if he thinks he can apologize for this. As far as I’m concerned we are no longer friends.” Jack turns to look at Brad who is now sitting at the bar. “Well, you know best. Let’s order. All that squeezing has left me famished.”
Gloria/Sheila or just GloSheila, walks in the hallway on Jeffery’s floor and stops at his room door. She looks to her right and left and knocks firmly. “Yes, can I help you?” Jeffery says. GloSheila pulls a gun out of her pocket and walks inside closing the door behind her.
Next time on the Bottom of the Barrel…
Victor to Nikki: “I don’t care if you’re hungry and can’t buy groceries. Why don’t you ask that rat bastard you’re shacking up with to give you a loan?”
Brad to Sharon: “I know you can’t stand the sight of me but I love the sight of you. Naked. In very tight panties.”
Newman Public Relations Department: “Run for your lives the ceiling is buckling under the pressure of all the Newman scandal.” (blood-curdling screaming can be heard).
Jeffery to GloSheila: “Who are you and what do you want?” (Sound of a gun going off).
