1. Bedtime Story
Poor, poor little Johnny. What should have been a little “QT” time with grandpappy sedately leafing through books about animals and wildlife instead turned into a roast of his father. “Here’s a jackass, Johnny, does it remind you of anyone? Perhaps someone you see twice a week and on alternating weekends?” Johnny is now four-years old, which is old enough to know when someone’s talking shit about his Dad. But as you can see here, Victor is not telling Johnny anything he didn’t already see first hand. This kid could make a killing at cards; the poker face is strong with this one. Victor must have said Billy Boy a hundred times during that one conversation alone. Just once I would like to hear him say ‘Billy goat’. That would really tie up 2016 nicely for me.
2. Forgive Me Father
When Jack’s life veered into crisis mode it was inevitable that John would eventually drop in for a visit. I wonder how ghost time off works in the heavenly realm? Well, however he obtains leave approval I am very fond of his somber reality checks. Getting a reminder that Jack slept with his father’s wife really puts things into context: Billy was only following an Abbott tradition by keeping it in the family.
3. Rub-A-Dub
It just warms the cockles of my heart to watch Travis and Victoria’s sexy bathroom banter. I fear for Travis though. I hope he can abide by Vicky’s strict, keep-my-sink-clean rule. Of course he could’ve had his own damn sink if the penny pinching millionaire had a second one installed when she remodeled her home. I wonder what Travis thought when he first saw her place? Did he gaze around thinking, ‘Hmmm, humble furnishings, kinda cramped. Damn. This place is almost the size of my old loft in Manhattan. I wonder if she hoards her money? Guess I’ll find out soon enough.”
4. Money Honey
Maybe now is a good time to remind folks that when Katherine died Devon walked away with an inheritance just shy of $2.5 billion. He bought an exclusive hotel that boasts a high murder rate, a fancy car or two and invested a ‘very sizable chunk of his fortune’ into Dr. Neville’s project. That project, you may recall went south when Hillary paid off a lab tech to fake favorable results for their drug trials. Bad investments nonwithstanding it appears Devon still has enough money to burn on some midwest gossip rag acquisition but not quite enough to move into a penthouse apartment suite. I’ll just let that sink in. Do you realize that even Lily’s office is nicer than Devon’s generic suite? Looks like that shitty hotel room is the new Tacky shack and I have to now make it my mission in life to criticize it at every turn. They finally moved Nick out, didn’t they? I have hopes that enough complaints may do the same for Devon and Hillary.
5. That’s What Friends Are For
Hello Faith’s friends! It’s nice to finally meet you. Let me be the first to thank you for of all your hard work and dedication spent supporting our sweet Faith during times of family crisis of which you know have been many. You opened your homes to her when she sought shelter (read: sleepovers); You suppressed your desire to talk about boys and your obsession with Shopkins just so Faith can tell you about who in her family got shot or which relative was going to jail. How good you were to Faith as her parents shuttled her back and forth between parental homes. You were her rock when her life became a hard place. Her ability to keep a cheery disposition no matter what family scandal rained down upon her family is all owed to you.
