YR, Issue 2
It’s Halloween after what will forever be known as The Clear Springs Disaster and as the scene fades in, we find ourselves hovering over Victoria Newman’s hospital bed. J.T., who has apparently been put on the Next of Kin list because we see him sitting next to the bed, is holding his fiancee’s hand tightly. The Grim Reaper enters the room. “No!†a panic stricken J.T. yelps just before throwing his body over Vicky’s in an unmistakable effort to protect her. “I won’t let you take her. I won’t.†Suddenly a peel of laughter is emitted from inside the hood as the figure moves towards the foot of the bed and shakes its scythe uncontrollably.  “Boo!†a voice says before the hood is thrown back to reveal Nicholas grinning from ear to ear. “Man, I had you going, didn’t I? Dude, you shoulda seen your face. I wish I had a camera.â€
A visibly shaken J.T. clambers off the bed. A damp stain can now be seen on Victoria’s sheets. “Oh, dude.†Nick says when he realizes that J.T. has just peed his pants, “That is NOT cool.†“How could you think that something like that would be funny? You’re sick,†a red-faced J.T. replies. “If you’re going to be part of the Newman family one day, J.T., you should know that I’m a bit of a prankster and if my sister were awake now she’d be laughing along with me.†“Unless you were planning to scare her out of her coma, I kinda doubt that.†J.T. says while taking some paper napkins to dry himself. “What’s going on in here?†Nikki wants to know when she comes in. “J.T. peed on Vicky.†Nick offers with glee. “It wasn’t my fault. He tricked me, Mrs. Newman.†J.T. lamely replies. Holding up her hands, Nikki says she doesn’t want to hear it. “J.T.†Nikki begins, “I think you and I should go to the loft and get a few of Victoria’s favorite things—to make her stay here more comfortable.†“No. I-I-I can’t. Victoria needs me. I’m not leaving here without her.†“Excuse me for being blunt J.T. but you leave me no choice. Quite frankly, you could use a hosing down; you’re starting to smell.†J.T. is stunned. “Oh, well, do you mind if I hitch a ride with you? My van got crushed in the garage.†“Not at all but you’ll have to ride in the trunk. My car was crushed too so I had a new one delivered; I don’t want my leather interior smelling like B.O.â€
On the other side of the Newman Wing at the Genoa City Memorial Hospital, Noah Newman is recovering from surgery. Sharon and Jack are looking anxiously at the little tyke waiting for his eyes to flutter open. Just then, his doctor walks in. “Doctor, is he going to be alright?†Sharon asks. “You’ll be happy to know that the surgery was successful, Mrs. Abbott. We found a way to remove the spleen without causing too much trauma to the other major organs.†“And what about the other operation?â€
The doctor motions her and Jack away from beside the bed and lowers her voice to a confidential whisper. “That too went better than I had hoped. We were able to remove all the traumatic events of the past year.†“Did you get all the ones I mentioned?†Sharon asks doubtfully. “The fall I had off the cliff? The time he thought his father died? What about when I slept with Brad, did you manage to zap that one too?†The doctor gives her a reassuring smile, “Mrs. Abbott, I assure you everything is taken care of. As a matter of fact I see his eyes are about to open. Let’s have a look, shall we? Hello Noah. I’m the doctor that operated on you. How are you feeling?†Noah looks at her blankly, “I don’t remember.†“Hhhmm I see. Well, not to worry. You’ll be well enough to go home in about a day or too. Bet you miss being able to sleep in your own bed, huh?†“I don’t remember.†The doctor winks at both Jack and Sharon as she leaves, “Mission accomplished. I’ll be back to check on him in an hour or so.†“Thank you so much, Doctor.â€Â  Sharon breathes a sigh of relief as the door closes. Jack hugs her saying, “This could be the break our family needs—a new beginning.â€
Across town, at the Baldwin’s apartment, Lauren is sitting huddled on the living room couch where she is slowly coming undone. Michael comes out of the kitchen carrying a very big hero sandwich and two cups of coffee.
“I made decaf because I don’t want you staying up all night.†Sitting down beside his wife, Michael notices Lauren trembling. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Talk to me.†“I tried to lay down but I couldn’t sleep. I kept looking up at the ceiling and wondering if it was going to collapse on me.†“Look at me,†Michael says taking her face in his hands. “The bedroom roof is sound. It’s not going to fall on you.†“How can you be so sure? No doubt the engineers at Clear Springs said the same thing before the casino was reduced to rumble.†“Baby, please don’t make this…†Just then Michael is interrupted by Gloria who comes breezing in the room in her usual fashion. “Good night all. How’s my beautiful daughter-in-law? Feeling better?†Michael tries to signal that this may not be the best time but as usual his mother is oblivious to anyone but herself. “Jeffery called and invited me out to dinner. I’m sure you guys won’t mind spending the night alone.†“I wish we could spend all our nights alone.†Lauren quips suddenly. Michael gives her a look. Gloria stops fussing with her neck scarf and turns to face her as she continues.  “Tell me something, Gloria. Why is it that even after you’ve been awarded your very large cash inheritance of $50 million are you’re still ensconced in our spare bedroom?â€
Gloria is speechless but somehow manages to recover saying, “I didn’t know you were bothered so much by my presence, Lauren.†Ignoring her, Lauren continues. “I was just lying in bed looking around the room. I had this feeling that the walls were closing in on me and then it hit me: Why on earth am I living cooped up in this three-bedroom box? I mean, I’m a millionaire, right? I own one of the most successful chain department stores in the mid-west. You would think that someone with my wealth and privilege would be living in a mansion but instead I’m sleeping in a queen-sized bed. I share a closet and bathroom sink with my husband and my rich mother-in-law sleeps on a fold out cot in the spare room that was once a linen closet. I’m having trouble understanding all of this.†“Try not to get upset.†Michael says. “I’m going to get your medication, stay right here. Mother, may I speak with you for a moment?” The two go in the back and leave Lauren mumbling to herself on the couch. “Do you think she suspects something?†Gloria asks Michael, her bug-like eyes bathing him in a frightened glare.
“It’s hard to say at this point.†“Well we can’t take any chances Michael. You need to make sure that Lauren never discovers that only billionaires can own mansions in Genoa City. Even if I add my $50 million to however many millions she has it still wouldn’t be enough to buy a space bigger then this apartment.†“For once we agree on something.†Michael answers wryly. “Now go back out there and distract her. If she starts thinking she can go to a realtor to look at mansions it’s going to upset the delicate balance of this town and who knows what might happen—we may have another explosion or something.†Michael promises solemnly to do his best but not before warning Gloria to be careful on her date with Jeffery Bardwell. “I just don’t trust him and you shouldn’t either.†Gloria assures him she doesn’t and then leaves.
A couple of days later we’re back at the hospital. Victoria is still unconscious but now prettily dressed in her favorite nightgown. Thankfully, her bed sheets have been changed and she is now slumbering comfortably under a very grotesque multi-colored quilt. Nikki is brushing her hair and telling her daughter about all the people that have visited so far to share some obscure anecdote of a time when the Newman heiress touched their lives. J.T. stands in the rear of the room pacing back and forth. Victor comes in and asks if there is any change. “No, none.†Nikki answers, sighing heavily. “No matter how much money I throw at the specialists they can’t seem to figure out why the hell she won’t wake up. I don’t know what else to do. I feel so helpless.†“Maybe we should go down to the chapel and pray to god.†Nikki offers.  “What good will it do to pray to myself, for heavens sake?†Victor replies. “Good grief, even at a time like this you’re still as stubborn as ever. Suit yourself, I’m going down.†Victor rolls his eyes to the ceiling and turns to follow Nikki, leaving J.T. to regale his comatose fiancée with another titillating tale of ants infesting their kitchen.
Outside the room, just across the hall, Sharon and Jack are pushing a wheel chair with a recently discharged Noah toward the elevator. As they wait for doors to open a life-sized, worn out newspaper with legs approaches the senator. All are surprised when it begins to talk. “Senator Abbott, glad to see you on the mend.†“Thank you…†Jack eyes it suspiciously. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I have some information I’m sure you’ll be interested in hearing.†“Oh?†Jack replies. “Yes. Allow me introduce myself, my name is Bad Press. It seems you have another scandal washing in on the next tide, senator.†Out of the corner of his eye Jack can feel his fragile wife tensing up. “I’m sure that whatever you have to say is of no interest to me and not only is this unorthodox but it’s also cruel of you to approach me with malicious slander when I am with my family.†“Really? So does this mean you don’t care that you’ve just been named in the press as a suspect in the Ji-Min Kim murder case?†Jack is flabbergasted. “Who told you that?†Jack asks but the elevator doors have just opened and, eager to avoid her son being scarred by yet another shocking incident, Sharon quickly ushers him inside. “Let’s go, Jack. We need to stop by the pharmacy for Noah before it closes.†Jack steps in and turn to face Bad Press as the elevator doors close on its smudged, printed face.
The following Monday, Nick is sitting in a conference room having a positively tedious encounter with his convict wife—who is now on her second week of work release—when his cell phone rings. “Nick Newman. Neil, what’s up? Has there been any more information about The Clear Springs Disaster?†“It’s being confirmed on the news that it was an Act of God.†Neil says. “What?! Are you saying my Dad had something to do with this?†Nick asks. He listens intently as Neil tells him about the natural gases and drilling company he never knew his father owned. “Why didn’t you tell me about the drilling?†“With all due respect, Nick. The day will come when your signature is at the bottom of my paycheck instead of your father’s and when it is, I’ll tell you everything you need to know but until then I hope you can appreciate that my nose has to be up Victor’s butt and not yours.†Nick says he understands and makes a mental note to fire Neil the minute the dirt hits the top of his father’s coffin. He hangs up and hastily gathers his things to leave. “What’s going on? Victor caused the explosion? That can’t be right, there must be some mistake.†Phyllis says. “That’s what I’m going to find out. I’ll call you later.â€
We’re at the hospital again and Nikki and Victor have just returned from the church chapel. “Let’s hope that worked.†Nikki says when a news broadcast on the television at the nurses station catches her attention just in time for her to see that Victor Newman owns the drilling company that caused The Clear Springs Disaster. “I knew it. I knew this had Victor Newman written all over it.†She hisses at him. “You couldn’t stand to see me succeed at anything other than being your little wife so you buy a drilling company and blow up my development just to spite me. Well, I hope you’re happy. You’re the reason Victoria is in that bed fighting for her life.†“You can’t possibly believe for a minute that I wanted any of this to happen.†Victor answers. “Oh no?†Nikki leans in close, the fluorescent lights in the corridor casting an unforgivable glare on her makeup less face. “If anything happens to our daughter I will NEVER forgive you.†Nikki walks away leaving Victor to face the accusing stares of the nurses.
Bad news travels fast as by this time all the key players of the Clear Springs Disaster are being updated as to who and what caused the collapse of Jackpot Casino’s underground parking structure. Things don’t look good for The Great Victor Newman who has retreated to the private Newman waiting room to get on the phone and bark demands that a detailed report on the cause of the collapse be faxed to him immediately. Not long after, we see Jack strolling in. “I came as soon as I heard. I couldn’t miss an opportunity to see the Black Knight fall off his great steed.†“YOU GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW,†Victor shouts. “I’ll leave when I’m good and ready. Tell me, how does it feel to know that you’re the reason your own daughter’s life hangs in the balance because your egomania won’t allow you to let anyone but yourself succeed at business.†“IF I HAD TO DO IT OVER AGAIN, JACK ABBOTT, I WOULD HAVE LEFT YOU IN THE RUBBLE WHERE I FOUND YOU.†Looking up, Jack can see that Bad Press is waiting outside the room. “You know what, I don’t have to tell you what a despicable human being you are when I’m sure you already know. You’re not even worth my time.†Looking again at Bad Press, Jack throws Victor one last smirk, “I think there’s someone here to see you.â€
BEHIND THE BARREL:
Beside Vigils:
If you’ve read my other columns you know that I detest beside vigils. It’s a time when people forget they hate each other and come together for the common good of the person who’s lying there incapacitated. Then we get to hear all the one-sided conversations and soliloquies of contriteness. Oh goody. I don’t know how long the writers plan to keep this up but it’s quite distressing to me. If I have to hear one more “remember when we were kids†story from Nicholas I’m going kill myself. But, in true Y & R fashion, you’ll never find my body which leaves the perfect opportunity for me to come back and write this column again in two weeks.
B.O.:
I felt sorry for J.T. when he had to be told to go home and take a bath. No one likes to find out that they’re the smelliest person in the room. That can’t be fun. Even though Jeffery Todd came back in what appeared to be a fresh set of clothes I’m not entirely sure he was vigilant about getting clean; he came back from the hospital still bleeding from the head. He must really be worried about Vicky to not notice his own head wound.
Noah version 2.0:
Everyone wants to know why this kid is so damn ill-natured all the time and sure, you kind of have to feel sorry for him for all the stuff he’s been through in 2007 alone but, come on. Enough already Noah. You’re too bratty. This is why I thought it would be good for the doctors to erase some of his bad memories, like they did for Jim Carrey’s character in ‘Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind’. Where I come from no matter how screwed up a kid is they can’t talk to their parents any way they feel like. He needs a good swatting.
The Walls Are Closing In:
Lauren needs a mansion to help out with that claustrophobia of hers but with all the mansions currently occupied in Genoa City: The Chancellor Estate, The Abbott and the Newman Ranch, I don’t know how she’s going to manage. I do enjoy her freaking out though, she does it really well. If I were buried alive three times in my lifetime I’d be a little skittish too.
Bad Press:
It came to me in a dream to have Bad Press come to life and stalk Jack at the hospital. I’m definitely going to make Mr. Press a recurring character since there’s always going to be someone in this town making themselves look bad in the media.
Are You There God? It’s Me, God:
I love how everything in this town revolves around Victor. He has his sticky hands in just about every pot, doesn’t he? For that to be believable he must take on a god-like presence. I thought it was hilarious when Neil tried to reassure him that the explosion wasn’t his fault but rather an act of god. He even went as far as to say that he would’ve done the same thing in Victor’s position. Oh yeah? I would love to see him pull that on Dru if she was still alive. She’d kick his ass.
