Boy, that Sharon really is the Blonde Avenger with invincible powers. She just takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’. Let’s whip out our score cards, shall we? Hhmm, says here she’s survived multiple rape attacks, being hit by a car, being buried under snow while pregnant with Noah, tripping over furniture and killing her baby but not herself, assault and battery, hauntings, jumping out of an airplane, frequent mental abuse from her ex-husband’s extra marital affairs and, now, her most amazing feat yet, a drop from a 55 foot cliff into frigid waters directly below. After the paramedics fished her out of what nearly became her icy grave, Sharon was actually dead and those infernal idiots did us a huge disservice by reviving her. Just imagine if our prayers were answered and Sharon actually did die. Think about the repercussions. Brad would go crazy and, we hope, bury himself under a hill of bones in Kutna Hora. Noah would finally be free to move in with any number of playmates he crashes with during the week. Jack would mourn for about a day and then David would call with the latest numbers for the senate race and he would forget all about her. Nick would keep buying wedding anniversary gifts and drive up to the cliffs every year to hurl them over the precipice and Zapato would at long last be able to turn Nick and Sharon’s old house into the dog kennel of his dreams.
Whose bright idea was it to have a photo shoot up in the Wisconsin mountains anyway? First of all, it’s spring, and temperatures in Genoa City were in the mid-20’s that day and all Sharon had on over her red harlot dress was a paper-thin coat?! I guess since Malcolm left town none of the remaining professional photographers had the good sense to say, “Hey guys, it’s kind of ridiculous to head up to the mountains for this photo shoot, especially in this weather. Why don’t I get Victoria Newman to paint a woodsy backdrop onto a white screen and put Sharon in front of it? I can throw in a few wind machines manipulate the lighting and, with the help of digital retouching technology, you’ve got your shot in the woods without all the inconvenience and danger.â€
Daniel didn’t lose anytime screwing up his life with his so called “porn addictionâ€. It’s hard to take this story line seriously when Latham and Co. are only showing us part of the story. I would imagine that porn addicts don’t just get their jollies from looking but also, from you know, ahem, relieving themselves. All Daniel does is surf, grin stupidly and adopt a deer-caught-in-headlights expression whenever Lily walks in the apartment.  It would have been so much more believable if Lily caught her hubby sitting at his desk, naked with a blow-up doll on his lap (and I don’t mean Colleen).
Why is it that when someone is feared dead they always leave a coat behind? Of all the items for Dru to shed it’s her Matrix coat that turns up instead of what Dru is really known for—her hats. Imagine if Sully gave Neil a garbage bag full of Dru’s hats, including that hideous leopard print beehive she was wearing earlier in the week? Even while hurtling down the cliff at a hundred miles an hour Dru still kept her hat on. Amazing. Years from now, when Ms. Rowell decides to rejoin the cast I bet they will recreate that iconic scene from Dallas when Bobby turns up alive in the shower. Neil will come home after another day spent drinking at his favorite dive bar and hear the shower running. “Devon? Lily?†He would slur while stumbling into the bathroom. Pulling back the shower curtain there would be Dru showering with that leopard print beehive hat on her head or perhaps the one with the big-ass feather on it, you know, the one she wore to Devon’s court hearing? “I must be dreaming.†Neil would say, blinking, and Dru would do a sista-girl roll of her neck and reply, “Hey, baby, I’m back. I couldn’t find any acting work except for Diagnosis Murder so I guess you’re stuck with me. Damn, boo, you stink. Have you been hitting the bottle again?â€
I wonder who is paying J.T. for his stalking services? And if he’s not getting compensated for such thorough work how in the world does he fit in other P.I. duties while running into Colleen and Adrian at Crimson Lights, the Athletic Club and GCU? Well I suppose it won’t matter now that Victoria has finally pulled her head out of her ass and decided to hire him to have the weasely Brad investigated.  Although I can’t imagine why—it’s not like Brad isn’t giving her all the clues she needs. Did you hear the way he barked at her when they were making phone calls to get the search and rescue effort started? “Just do it!â€Â Oh no he didn’t, I thought to myself, but he did, and all Victoria could do was stare back at him with hurt, puppy dog eyes. When J.T. delivers that folder (providing he doesn’t run into the Albino and she steals it) to Victoria stuffed with testimonials from Carlos (the waiter with the amazing memory) I’m going to enjoy the can of whoop ass she’ll open on him and Sharon.
Gloria is fast becoming a mascot on this show. Why else would they have her perched behind a computer at Crimson Lights researching, of all things, libido enhancers for Jill and Ji Min? What on earth is that all about? Does she really have that much time on her hands? Why isn’t she in Japan or Holland “rolling out†her perfume thingies? I guess they are going to show us when she’s creeping around Jabot dropping powders and pills into drinks and delivering them personally to her victims. She’ll probably pass it off as a tester for a new Glow by Jabot love potion that comes as a gift with purchase for her stupid bracelets.
It’s a good thing Victor got over the shakes as it appears he’s the guy to have as a best man if you’re planning a wedding. I wonder if Zapato will ask him to stand up for him when he marries the bitch next door? You never know. I really ache for Nikki these days, having to put up with this piss-poor excuse for a husband. How dare he be angry that she left for Madison without telling him? How many times has he just up and disappeared from the face of the earth without telling her? When she blows back into town I just know he’s going to blame her for what happened on the shoot. Her marriage to Victor jumped the shark the minute she stepped out from the shadow of his enormous ego.
Everyone knows by now that Cane Ashby lacks even the most basic brain function necessary for everyday survival which is why I nearly fell off my barstool at the Athletic Club when I heard him say something to Bardwell about the AC being a strange place to have a business meeting. Well hallelujah, someone finally speaks up about this bizarre practice. I almost thought I’d heard wrong when Bardwell replied they were meeting there because he was having his office painted. I gather that there are no other vacant offices or conference rooms to hold meetings where Bardwell works? Maybe he works out of a broom closet like Paul.
