In the beginning of creation when Victor made Newman Enterprises and thus the livelihood of every minion within it, Genoa City was without form and void, with darkness over the face of the abyss, and a mighty wind swept over the surface of the corporate landscape. Victor said, ‘Let there be light’, and the power company turned on the lights; and Victor saw that it was good. Victor said, ‘Let the company bring forth living creatures, according to their kind: secretaries, mail room lackeys, and top-level executives, all according to their kind.’ So it was; Victor made secretaries, mail room lackeys, and top-level executives, all according to their kind; and he saw that it was good. Then Victor said, ‘Let me make a son in my image and likeness to rule the secretaries and mail room lackeys to crawl upon the company.’ So Victor created two sons in his own image. One son was born of a stripper and the other was born of a hapless, blind, pig farmer. Victor blessed them and said to them, ‘Be just like me; think like me, walk like me and talk like me. Never, ever exercise independent thought or desires at any time in your puny, pathetic lives.’ Victor also said, ‘I give you wealth, prestige and a little sprinkling of power—not too much, lest you forget who made you’—and Victor saw all that he had made and it was very good.
One day, the son who was born of the stripper disobeyed his maker and ate fruit from the forbidden tree of independent thought. This angered Victor greatly, so he said, “Because you have done this you are accursed more than all the secretaries and mail room lackeys. On your belly you shall crawl, and dust you shall eat all the days of your life.” To demonstrate this, Victor took the silver spoon out of his son’s mouth, dug it in the earth, and smeared its helpings upon the son’s lips. “Because you have chosen to listen to your accursed mother, you shall gain your bread by the sweat of your brow until you return to the ground; for from it you were taken. Dust you are, to dust you shall return.’ The stripper’s son was pissed and claimed to be happy to be rid of his maker at last. The time had come, he said, to break free from under his maker’s boot heel and stop taking handouts—except when it came to his trust fund, he would still need handouts from that, and, oh yeah, he was still planning to squat, side-by-side with the cattle, shamelessly, on the land his maker owned.
The day came when Victor turned to the son of the pig farmer and said, ‘Hark! Your foolish brother has been cast out from Newman Enterprises and I need a more educated son to replace him. Interested?’ The pig farmer’s son said that he was and he lost no time ingratiating himself with his master; and Victor saw that it was all good and he was pleased. Amen.
There is never a dull moment when working for Victor Newman, is there? I feel for Neil, I really do; nepotism rears its ugly head yet again and this time it’s lifting a leg up and peeing all over Neil’s shiny oxford shoes. After the Newman board voting fluke, a fluke that worked in Neil’s favor, I thought he finally had it made in the shade. Then, things got even more serendipitous when the wife of his boss left the company, the daughter of the boss nearly died while in a coma (damn, foiled again), the son of the boss got booted out and his long-time arch nemesis, Brad, picks up tail and leaves. I’m sure Neil relished being left alone, at last, to run the company, that is, until he showed up for work last Monday morning to find yet another Newman offspring being groomed for the seat he has been bending and scraping for years. It’s only a matter of time before Abby is aged and brought back to climb over Neil, stepping into his perfectly coifed afro, as she ascends the Newman corporate ladder. Despite my earlier misgivings, I think it’s good that Neil has Indigo and now that he has the amazing, and talented, Karen Taylor singing there, he stands to make more money than he ever dreamed possible. I said it in my column two weeks ago that Karen’s voice has the power to make anyone amorous and if Neil can find a way to bottle and sell that, he is golden.
Thank you, Ashley, for asking the question brewing on everyone’s mind: isn’t it awkward to form a company comprised entirely of ex-husbands, ex-wives and homewreckers who work alongside one another as though it were perfectly commonplace? I know forgiveness is big in this town—if it weren’t there’d be no one left to back-stab and cheat on—but the solidarity of the Warehouse Gang is beyond ridiculous. I know it, you know it, and Phyllis knows it. Her suggestion, nay, insistence, that Sharon tell Jack she would rather work at Restless Style Magazine than at his boring foundation seemed a little disingenuous to me. Every time she speaks to Sharon it looks forced and painful. Why is she pretending? It ain’t natural, I’m telling ya!
So David finally came out to Nikki. It would have been so much better if he told her that Walter was his gay lover. Now THAT’S a bombshell. Instead he’s got gambling debt to the tune of $225 thousand dollars, big deal. When Walter asked Nikki where David was, I’m surprised he didn’t peek out from under her skirt and say, “Here I am.” He’s always by Nikki’s side, at work, at the club, upstairs, downstairs—underneath the toilet. He’s been her appendage since the day they met, propping up her battered and bruised ego; dusting her off when Victor knocked her down and telling her over and over again, “YES, you can.” It was so typical of Nikki, an extremely selfish woman when she doesn’t get her way, to turn her back on the only man who has had a positive influence on her in years.
David may be a liar but he’s extremely resourceful. How on earth did he find the time to gamble his life away in between driving Drucilla mad, scheming with Carmen’s identical cousin and plunging the knife into Nikki’s back while working as Jack’s campaign manager?
All the mothers out there who can attest to the fact that it is nearly, if not impossible to bring a newborn into work with you, please speak up. Even if all Victoria is doing is reading files all day and taking the occasional meeting, how does she stay focused? My son was born six months ago and it was a constant onslaught of feeding, changing, burping, holding, soothing, etc. I was sleep deprived and rarely did I get a chance to eat let alone take a shower before his father came home from work. When Reed is screaming his head off, isn’t that a little disconcerting for staff and visiting clients? There are few things that are believable on this soap and that one is topping the list.
Kevin is his mom’s best girlfriend, how sweet! Really though, it’s time for that boy to cut the apron strings and break free, it’s beginning to get unwholesome. Every little occurrence that happens in her life, Gloria has to tell Kevin about it. Isn’t he annoyed with it by now? Isn’t Jana? Oh, that’s right, she’s too busy playing matchmaker for Daniel and Amber. Those two don’t need your help, Lass. By the way the episode ended on Friday it looked like they were about to bless the new furniture at the warehouse with their body fluids. What a disgusting pair those two make.
Adam is really turning out to be a chip off the old block. He’s been in town not even a week and already he’s moving in on the ladies, namely Phyllis. I swear, if Phyllis and Adam hook up, I’m going to lose my lunch. By the way, Phyllis, while it was sweet of you to recommend local bakery shops where Adam could satisfy his donut craving, please don’t waste your breath; no matter which road he takes, he’ll always end up at Crimson Lights.
