Y&R Recap: Fugalicious

Oh, Neil is a Petty Murphy? I had no idea. Ha! Just kidding. Neil is one of the pettiest people I know. The guy can hold a grudge with such a vice-like grip you’d think he was holding a 55” flat screen tv at a black Friday sale. I mean, we are talking about the same man who stalked his ex-wife on her honey moon after she left him for his son, right? Yeah, not shocked he kept the anger and resentment of being abandoned as a chid fester inside his soul all these years at all. I am shocked, however, that he managed to keep it a secret from his family for so long.

Makes me wonder just how he was able to pull that off during his marriage to Drucilla. Remember her? The woman who did not take mess from anyone about anything? She always had an opinion to share and as I recall Neil got the brunt of them tossed his way. Do you honestly believe that he could’ve dismissed his abandonment issues the way he did with Lily? She simply wouldn’t have it. She would’ve read every single one of those unopened letters and insist Neil go find his mom and reconcile.  Petty Murphy probably lied to her and made her think his mother was dead.  Smh.

Something has GOT to done about that Billy goat letting himself into Victoria’s home whenever he damn well pleases. The nerve!!! Hats off to Travis for keeping so cool about the situation. You can tell the guy is secure in his manhood to not let that cretin ruffle his feathers. Billy, on the other hand, is not a man by any stretch of the imagination. He claims to harbor zero romantic interest in Victoria yet he feels compelled to remind her boyfriend every few days that he was there first.

So Phyllis woke up on Wednesday and thought, “I hate who I am today. What can I wear to reflect that to the world?” Then she went into her closet and assembled the fugliest outfit I’ve ever seen. Can you help me figure out what is happening here? I can’t decide which is the most offending piece. Is it the cutoff grandpa cardigan, the baggy tie front blouse or is it the flowy palazzo pant? Yeah, you’re right. They all are giving out equal shots of hideous.  When Ashely asked Phyllis if that was what she was wearing to Adam’s memorial I expected her to follow up with, “Because it looks like something died—your fashion sense.”

Then she assaulted Billy’s eyes with it when she met with him at the cabin to do the nasty. I thought, “Good. Burn his corneas with the fugliness. Burn them good.” When she opened that door and walked in you noticed he didn’t even flinch. He’s so in lust with her at this point. Nothing could turn him off. That’s the thing about goats, they love garbage.

The funniest exchange to me this week had to be between Travis, Victoria and Jill. Who knew Seattle was home to the most amazing dungeons crab, salmon and pinot noir in the pacific northwest? I need to travel more. Also, I’m very hungry. Poor meddlesome Jill nearly blew a gasket when she found out Billy had given his plane ticket to Travis. You could literally see the steam rising under her big collar chain. Still, for all her henpecking I know Jill’s heart is in the right place, her idiot son needs some reigning in. She can’t stop him from self-destructing though, no one can. It’s going to happen and I can’t wait for the fallout.

Basically, Mariah’s primary function these days is to be as a Seeing Eye dog for Sharon. She’s obviously grown accustomed to Sharon’s idiosyncrasies and thus trained herself to lead her common sense impaired mother around the many obstacles littered in her path. Obstacles, I might add that Sharon herself is responsible for placing there in the first damn place. Service dogs also make great companions, invoking a sense of peace and calm within their owner. How many times has Maria had to tell Sharon to chill? 256,000 to 3 million? It’s a daily task. Wherever he is now I know Noah silently thanks the gods that he’s no longer assigned that cumbersome duty. Keeping Sharon sane is literally a full time job AND it’s hazardous! So, give it up for Miss Mariah Copeland, the patron saint of Calm The F*ck Down.